Moderation is adequate

I stand alone in this city of jungle, looking far away, and caught nobody insight. Everything ahead of me was supposed to be familiar, yet it felt so aberrant, the sight that I am so used to, was no longer customary to me. I felt alienated, like a complete stranger, lost in this world I'm supposed to know. Succumbed by a wave of inexplicable fear, I started to tremble, both hands and leg. Then my state of mind got carried away by the sea of emotions, and my world just went into a complete halt. A bed is what i need now, one accommodated with blankets of protection, and pillow of comfort. And so I found one, I sat and leaned against it, comfortably.



The serenity and peacefulness only lasted momentarily, I was then dragged away by a thick flow of memories. Memories of my past, the bad ones, specifically. The ones which I hadn't the gut to admit, the ones which embarrassed me that I had to lie upon it, the ones which made me wore a facade I could never take down. Why must I be so fond of these memories, can I just put a foot stop and end this misery? No. Because, it's what we call life. Fuck life, that is.



I love living in denial. Because it's the place I can find an answer to every unexplainable truth. To give me the answers that I only want to see and hear. Hah, but when logic came and play their role, I can't help but to laugh at my utter stupidity and silliness, a bitter laugh. Didn't occur to me that my heart too, can bleed.



I love it when some people can feel so contented with their life, they have to brag and boast about it every time they see, who also can't be bothered to even spare a thought to you, the less glamorous life of yours. Wait, what's even funnier is that, they don't even realize the contentment they get are at the expense of your sadness. How comical, people can be.



I love reminiscing the past, the bad ones especially. I love being sympathized and pitied, and even more when you hypocritically approach me and tell me, don't worry, it'll be alright. Fuck it. When words are spoken, they are just like spilled milk, once out, forever gone. No point trying to fix it later when you know you had indirectly ruin it intentionally in the first place. Sounds contradicting? That's the point, you know you're not supposed to do it, and yet you did. So fuck that as well. Friends are foes, acquaintances are stranger, they are all the same, and they will only be a phase of your life.


I just love my life and the people around me. Oughtn't I be happy?


lalala~ have a jolly molly study break.